A Heart of Gold
Pain, alchemy, and pivotal moments
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There will come moments in your life where you stop and think, “what the heck am I doing?”
We need those moments.
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Anytime the Universe asks you to level up, you will feel the pain of letting go.
You know it is time to move on and open a new chapter, yet you cannot help but hang on to old memories and replay them like they are the sweetest things you have ever tasted.
The process of opening your heart is a big mind fuck. Why? Because during this time, you must accept your smallness and bigness all at once.
We are small because we don't know anything most of the time. We are big because we are made up of the same stuff as the stars and moon we admire. We are so special on the inside that everything we are attached to on the outside pales in comparison.
Life has a way of showing us this.
These learning moments start with a jarring thought like, “what the heck am I doing with my life?”
I recently jotted down these words about having a good heart: an expectation I have personally struggled and fought with across multiple chapters of my life.
Sometimes we want to be the best person, but we are not at our best, you know?
I am grateful for the choices I have made these past several years. Without the introspection, solitude and intentional pause, I probably would have needed to wait another decade to understand my own heart.
In summary, here is what I have learned:
My heart is not always pure, but it can be.
Like a student of alchemy, not yet a master, I can try every day to turn pain into triumph; to let go of what used to feel special to make room for what truly is special. Along the way, there are a lot of hurts, grief and deaths.
I used to worry that my heart would become tainted and I would not be able to go back. I am glad to say now that the human heart can withstand a lot of things—especially trials and tribulations.
My heart is not defined by a single moment in time.
It grows, heals, and transforms alongside me.
So long as I am trying, there will always be an opportunity to turn lead into gold.
