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Santa, can I get a new shame-dar for Christmas? I broke mine and would like a new one, please.
I wanted to write something festive this week (because it is almost Christmas 🎄), but I feel called to talk about shame today instead. Time to get over my own judgment and dive right in!
Dear inner child,
I wish I had let you cry more.
I hope you don’t feel too abandoned and that you will still let me in.
I see you, and I want to hear you.
Most people who are close to me say I am innocent. Maybe it is because of my love for children's movies or because of the way I choose to see the world. I appreciate the magic embodied by children because it feels so true to who we are on a soul level.
If I were to assess how connected I am to my inner child when it comes to my creativity, wonder, and joy, I would say I am doing great.
But my attention to my inner child when she is sad—especially shameful—could be improved; this is the work I have been doing.
“It’s fine. I’m fine.”
Shame is the feeling we get when we feel exposed and seen for our weakness or inadequacy. It can be triggered when something activates the deep patterns and insecurities imprinted from our childhood.
My shame-dar started malfunctioning in my teen years.
Rather than detecting and inquiring about my rising feelings of shame (like when I got made fun of for having uneven eyes or failed to do something right at home), I would happily kick my shame-dar under the carpet instead.
After all, the mark of a confident person is to be UNPHASED by what people say or do, right?
No.
That is like saying if your body is on fire, you should not be bothered that it hurts. You should not cry out loud for help because it would mean you are weak.
Our emotions are like fire. If we choose to ignore it, we can never alchemize it. Fire can be put out early on and quite easily if you dump water on it. But how do you put out a fire when you pretend nothing is burning?
Being there for ourselves
We all have a shame-dar within us, but we think it is an evil that wants to expose us for our smallness.
When in fact, our shame-dar is our inner child calling.
It is our 5-year-old self knocking on our doors, feeling so awful and sad. They just want to talk to us. They want us to hear them out for once, without being shut down and offered a freaking solution.
Our inner child does not need a solution. They want a voice.
I have started giving my inner child a voice by letting myself/her cry.
Recently, during an argument, I even dared to tell someone that I will not stop crying or feeling just because it makes them uncomfortable. For real, my inner child comes first.
Now, whenever my inner child comes knocking, you can bet that I will answer the door and pull up a seat for her. She does not need to perform anymore. I will do my best to listen, not fix.
She comes first.
Always.
Merry Christmas! May you have a restful holiday and find purpose, joy, and magic in the good and the bad ⭐🎄
❄️
Giving ourselves the space to feel our emotions without judgement is important. There's no need to judge, only to observe. Only by observing which of our attachments cause our suffering, can we invite a perspective that helps us honor our feelings, while detaching from the cause of our suffering. By transforming, alchemizing our suffering into understanding of who we are and why we reacted that way. A journey of self discovery begins with the courage to face your emotions and precedes from there.
Thanks for this reminder of recognizing our unconscious mind and listening to it without shame