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The older I get, the more excited I am.
Women I have spoken to in their 30s or over always tell me how they felt freer, happier and more secure once they got past their 20s. Many say it’s time and experience, and I believe it.
It is no surprise that people say our 20s are a time for self-discovery: we are learning about who we are and how we fit into this world. And among the women that I have spoken about this topic with, a lot of the time, we are actually unlearning who we are not.
In many ways: our twenties are like a great reset, paving the way for a brighter and lighter future.
As I write this, I can’t help but reflect on my teens and early adulthood. The young Suki was a lot more hopeful. But that is not to say I am not hopeful now. I am just hopeful in a different way... a more sustainable way.
Allow me to explain.
When I was a kid, I had a very clear vision of what success meant to me:
I am an artist. My daily routine is filled with creativity, collaboration and impact. I have amazing friends whom I have known for a long time. My family is proud of me. I can spend money on vacations and things that I like. I am appreciated and loved.
This vision guided me in everything that I did as a teenager and young adult, and I succeeded in building this life. Looking back now, however, I can see how my very early pursuit of these goals caused me to become attached to everyone and everything along the way.
The friendships that made me feel seen became very important to me.
The opinions that made me feel validated became very important to me.
The hobbies that made me feel special became very important to me.
Unknowingly, the people, places, and things that were all very important to me turned into unhealthy attachments.
And the Universe knew this wasn’t serving me.
Hope, by definition, is a feeling of expectation and desire for something to happen.
The young me had ample amounts of hope. I was an optimist and an overachiever, and I never doubted that I can do anything I set my mind to.
But youthful hope is fleeting. Eventually, life shows us what loss, trials, and tribulations are so that we can alchemize our innocence into wisdom—and remember our highest and truest power.
But youthful hope is fleeting. Eventually, life shows us what loss, trials, and tribulations are so that we can alchemize our innocence into wisdom—and remember our highest and truest power.
This is what makes who I am today different: my hope is no longer attached to my reality or circumstances.
My hope is sourced directly from within.
The people, places and things that once meant the world to me are no longer in my life. Some have faded into the background, but most have vanished from my reality.
This is also why I’m excited about my future.
If these “losses” didn’t happen, I wouldn’t have been stripped to my core. I wouldn’t have felt completely devastated, betrayed, and broken down. I wouldn’t have met the darker sides of my expression.
And thus, I wouldn’t have learned how to transmute it all back into light and hope.
I know that our self-discovery journey never ends because we never stop growing as human beings. Still, I see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Maybe it’s my healing journey smoothing out, like the calm after a storm. Or maybe, it’s just me finally rage-quitting on the idea of needing to fix myself.
In any case, I am ready to live my life fully now.
I am ready to prioritize being again—understanding that knowing always comes naturally.
When I first wrote this reflection, I didn’t know what it was about. Now, I can see that this is a message of hope, especially if you are in your 20s or feeling confused about life. The truth is, I don’t have all the answers. But I’m also happy to say that I’m starting to not care about the answers anymore. I hope you can find your peace, too.
this is beautiful.